Hamas Ate My Hamster!!! (And Other Lame Lies)

I’m sick to death of the lame lies we are supposed to believe without questioning. Help yourself out of this pit. Stop believing the lies.

Hamas Ate My Hamster!!! (And Other Lame Lies)

by C.A. Matthews

I’ve had a rough week. I’m feeling very irritated about life, the universe and everything.

After I watched a video of a State Department spokeswoman blaming just about everything the US has done to further Israel’s cause of genocide against the Palestinian people on “Hamas,” I was livid. But then I read a great comment by Mark (@babasonicos) on Caitlin Johnstone’s article that summed up this spokeswoman’s programmed propaganda response beautifully: “Hamas ate my hamster!!!”

It’s the ultimate liar’s “The dog ate my homework!” type of excuse. This coming week I’m sure we’ll hear a version of “You sunk my battleship!” to explain why the US is committing war crimes by bombing Yemeni tribesmen during their celebration of Eid. Nothing new there. But after that belly laugh at the absurdity of the US State Department trying to cover for our total lack of morals and compassion, I knew what was really bothering me.

I’m tired of the bullshit.

I’m tired of being gaslighted.

I’m sick to death of the lame lies we the poor and oppressed are supposed to believe without questioning.

Here we have billionaires like the Elongated Muskrat showing their true colors to the world with their greedy, self-centered, and non-empathetic behaviors, but we can’t even get the simple truth out of a State Department spokesperson about why the US taxpayer is being forced to pay for a livestreamed genocide.

Come on! Give us a break! We all know the real reason behind this inhuman insanity. It’s because the US military-industrial-Congressional-complex is making tremendous profits from supplying bombs and jets to the genocidal IDF. US oil interests are eagerly looking forward to making even more cash by selling all that lovely natural gas located right off the coast of Gaza. Just admit these awful truths out loud, idiot spokesperson!

There. Wasn’t that simple? No need to bamboozle us with the “Hamas ate my hamster!!!” bullshit while covering for the IDF cold-blooded murders of 15 Palestinian paramedics and UN workers. Just be truthful. Tell the so-called “free press” at these press briefings that the US commits war crimes because it’s a genocide-enabling, Big Oil/MIC/Israeli-owned-and-operated excuse of a nation. Get it out of your system. We’re a bunch of bloodthirsty, greedy, racist, settler-colonialist, freakin’ capitalists. Period.

Feel better now?

After awhile, I started thinking about what other lies Americans are told over and over again that we’re supposed to swallow without feeling even a bit squeamish. Here’s another classic, all-American lie:

Capitalism is the “bestest” economic system in the whole wide world! Capitalism is the equivalent of “democracy.”

From the day of our birth in this bellicose society, Americans are supposed to believe the Horatio Alger myth. You know the stories. With just a little pluck and endless energy (while subsisting on very little sleep and fewer calories) the young man is able to rise from street urchin to stock market tycoon overnight. This is the “American Dream” you’ve been told repeatedly from the time you learned to walk. Americans are all indoctrinated into believing that nothing else should matter more to them than the accumulation of vast quantities of wealth. It’s more important than keeping their sense of morality.

But what if you can’t raise yourself above the station you were born into? What if you remain—or worse yet, slide down the ladder and become—poor? Here’s what Russell Conwell, founder of Temple University, Yale Law School graduate, minister, and author of best-selling books had to say about the poor in his famous “Acres of Diamonds” lecture that he gave in the late 19^th century across the US thousands of times, reaching an audience of millions:

I say you ought to get rich, and it is your duty to get rich… The men who get rich may be the most honest men you find in the community. Let me say here clearly… ninety-eight out of one hundred of the rich men of America are honest. [emphasis mine] That is why they are rich. That is why they are trusted with money. That I why they carry on great enterprises and find plenty of people to work with them. It is because they are honest men…

...I sympathize with the poor, but the number of poor who are to be sympathized with is very small. To sympathize with a man whom God has punished for his sins...is to do wrong...let us remember there is not a poor person in the United States who was not made poor by his own shortcomings… [Quote taken from Russell Conwell’s speech in A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn.]

Mr. Con-well (well-conned?) said what everyone was thinking back then and somehow still thinks today about why some of us never seem to find a way to climb to the top. It’s because the poor fall into a very special class of people called losers. Capitalism, above all else, really hates a loser.

It would have been better if the poor hadn’t been born at all if we can’t pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps, which is an impossibility and not at all what the expression “to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” actually means. But we’re not taught the phrase’s original meaning because we might just lose the will to live whenever anyone tells us to attempt this stunt.*

Remember, it’s all our fault for not being born into a well-to-do family in the first place or being born with a serious health condition or a permanent disability or simply having the wrong skin color or last name. We are morally suspect because we’re without wealth. It’s all our fault that Trump’s tariffs are going to put things like food, medicine, and housing out of the financial reach of millions of Americans. It has nothing to do with a small number of honest men called billionaires hoarding more wealth than 60% of the US population.

Or to put all this simply into the vernacular: Screw you!* (Do you understand now why I’m feeling homicidal?)

Another lie that royally pisses me off is that these honest men, our supposed “superiors” or “oligarchs” or “billionaires,” tell working class people that we’re not smart enough to rule ourselves. We’re fools to think we can form a society where universal human rights reign. Building a world where all human beings are never in want, have food enough to eat, shelter, and health care, is just plain stupid.

The billionaires tell us that capitalism, where everyone is in competition with each other and out to screw over the “losers” in order to gain more wealth, is a superior system without question. In other words, we’re supposed to be okay with seeing our fellow Americans living in their cars because they can’t afford rents, children going into lunchroom debt in elementary school, and the poor dying of preventable diseases because we don’t have universal health care.

But for some strange reason, your average working class Americans do find these things upsetting. We lose sleep over them, worrying that before long we too could be sleeping in our car or dying of cancer without hope of treatment.

Hmm… Is this why most Americans think that Luigi had the right idea?

We’re mentally deficient, the capitalists tell us, if we think that 68,000+ needless deaths per year in the US due to health insurance claim denials is a bad thing. “How can medical claim denials be considered bad?” these honest men tell us. “Not paying for some people’s health care after they’ve paid their health insurance premiums in full is great for shareholders. It’s pure profit. Ka-ching!”

(I think we need a million more Luigis to make things right in the world. How about you?)

But perhaps the worse lies of all are the lies we tell ourselves. These lies are the most destructive.

I’m feeling homicidal because deep down I’m feeling depressed... Depressed because I’m buying into the lie that I’m a “loser” since I’m not fabulously wealthy. I’m worn out and tired of being sick and tired. I’m without hope of a respite called a “vacation” because I’m simply cannot afford such a luxury. I can’t afford luxuries such as the price of a dozen eggs lately, either. There’s never a Santa Claus moment where you magically get free shoes—new ones that actually fit and not used ones from a charity shop. Losers like me never get nice surprises. We just get bad surprises—like more bills and more bad news.

Living in this nightmare called capitalism, you begin to doubt your sanity. You wonder why you ever believed that basic human needs are universal rights in the first place. Maybe Mr. Well-Conned was right. There must be “acres of diamonds” out there… I just haven’t rented my worn-out body long enough to mine them all?

The “Hamas ate my hamster!!!” lie starts ringing in my ears at this point. Why am I falling for such obvious lies? Why would I believe any lie to cover the awful truth of the genocidal US government? Why have I fallen for the lies of a sadistic economic system that is set up to help only a handful of honest men, better known as billionaires?

Berating myself for the failures of a system created long before my birth makes no sense. I am not the cause of everything wrong in the world because billionaires want to profit off the misery of the struggling populace. Only the billionaires are at fault for this horrible and entirely preventable situation.

I’m not blaming Hamas for eating my hamster (or cat), in other words. I don’t have to make excuses for evils that I didn’t commit. The system’s faults—built-in features actually—are what’s keeping the majority of the world’s poor living in fear of the US empire. I’m only responsible for how I respond to these capitalist-imperialist lies and how I work to make the world a better place.

The hamster-eating, billionaire genocide-enablers need to be put away for life, preferably incarcerated in the for-profit, private prisons they’ve made tons of money from. It’s time for them to experience how the vast majority of us live and suffer. It’s time for them to have a teachable moment!

We the struggling workers need to stop believing lies that prevent us from seeing that we’re worthy human beings. We are not “losers” to be taken advantage of by less-than-honest men. We need to stop believing the lies of the propagandists and start believing in the truth.

Here’s one truth worth believing in:

Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains—and the world to gain!

Here’s another:

Free Palestine! No one is truly free until all human beings are free.

And another:

The truth shall set us free.

Don’t lock yourself up in chains. Stay free. Speak truth. And stop believing the lies.

[* Note: The expression “to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” and “screw you” mean pretty much the same thing. An explanation of this often-used and totally misunderstood phrase can be found here.]

Factual Articles and Other Non-Lies of Interest

Stop the Genocide Today! Send some emails to the Hague Group of Ambassadors urging them to send in troops to protect Palestinians: https://protect-palestine.com/hague-group

White House Says Hamas ‘Entirely Responsible’ for Israeli Execution of Palestinian Medics https://news.antiwar.com/2025/04/07/white-house-says-hamas-entirely-responsible-for-israeli-execution-of-palestinian-medics/

Massive Protest For Palestine Rocks DC As Gaza Genocide Begins Anew https://popularresistance.org/massive-protest-for-palestine-rocks-dc-as-gaza-genocide-begins-anew/

Palestinians Speak Out Against Princeton Welcoming Israeli War Criminal on Campus https://chrishedges.substack.com/p/palestinians-speak-out-against-princeton

Israel has wiped the city of Rafah off the map https://www.councilestatemedia.uk/p/israel-has-wiped-the-city-of-rafah

All The Proof Israel Knew Exactly What Would Happen Oct 7th — First Allowing It, Then Making It Much Worse https://realleecamp.substack.com/p/all-the-proof-israel-knew-exactly

Hamas Succeeded In Exposing The True Face Of The Empire https://www.caitlinjohnst.one/p/hamas-succeeded-in-exposing-the-true

Opposing The Gaza Holocaust Is Just The Basic, Bare Minimum Requirement To Not Suck As A Person https://www.caitlinjohnst.one/p/opposing-the-gaza-holocaust-is-just

Why Are HANDS OFF Rallies Supporting NATO? https://medeabenjamin.substack.com/p/why-are-hands-off-rallies-supporting

Palestinian Child Killed in Israeli Prison After Being “Systematically Starved” https://truthout.org/articles/palestinian-child-killed-in-israeli-prison-after-being-systematically-starved/

Trump Shares Collateral Murder-Style Snuff Film On 15th Anniversary Of Collateral Murder https://www.caitlinjohnst.one/p/trump-shares-collateral-murder-style

They’re All Going to Hell For The Genocide Of Gaza https://popularresistance.org/theyre-all-going-to-hell-for-the-genocide-of-gaza/

Truth Is Antisemitism. Protest Is Terrorism. Dissent Is Russian Propaganda. https://www.caitlinjohnst.one/p/truth-is-antisemitism-protest-is

Trump's State Department Would Support Literally Any Israeli Atrocity https://www.caitlinjohnst.one/p/trumps-state-department-would-support

Israeli Lawsuits Target Americans: A New Threat to the First Amendment Under Trump https://www.mintpressnews.com/israeli-lawsuits-target-americans-a-new-threat-to-the-first-amendment-under-trump/289334/

Pro-Israel Group That Attacked UPenn Was Funded by Family of UPenn Trustee https://theintercept.com/2025/04/02/penn-israel-canary-mission-peisach/

Trump: “Very Bad Things are Going to Happen.” Netanyahu Wants the U.S. to Destroy Iran. https://kucinichreport.substack.com/p/trump-very-bad-things-are-going-to

Yemen is acting responsibly to stop genocide and the U.S. is bombing them for it https://mondoweiss.net/2025/04/yemen-is-acting-responsibly-to-stop-genocide-and-the-u-s-is-bombing-them-for-it/

They Tell You The Houthis Attack Ships, But They Never Tell You Why https://www.caitlinjohnst.one/p/they-tell-you-the-houthis-attack

‘Liberation Day’ Tariffs Will Concentrate Wealth Even More https://inequality.org/article/liberation-day-tariffs-will-concentrate-wealth-even-more/

Trump Just Pardoned … a Corporation? https://theintercept.com/2025/04/02/trump-pardons-corporation-bitmex-crypto/

Fake ‘populism’: How Trump’s billionaire admin serves the rich, and hurts everyone else https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2025/03/30/populism-trump-rich-billionaires-taxes/

Like slavery and apartheid, poverty is not natural. It is man-made and it can be overcome and eradicated by the action of human beings. (Nelson Mandela, in a 2005 speech at the Make Poverty History rally in London’s Trafalgar Square)

With Section 230 Repeal, Democrats, Media Offer New Censorship Tools https://popularresistance.org/with-section-230-repeal-democrats-and-media-offer-trump-new-censorship-tools/

Crossing the U.S. Border? Here’s How to Protect Yourself https://theintercept.com/2025/03/29/customs-us-border-travel-airports-phone-searches/

Meet Seven Student-Scholars Targeted by ICE for Protesting Israel's Atrocities In Gaza https://stevendonziger.substack.com/p/meet-seven-student-scholars-targeted

Mahmoud Khalil’s Attorney: ‘This Is the McCarthy Era All Over Again’ https://scheerpost.com/2025/04/03/mahmoud-khalils-attorney-this-is-the-mccarthy-era-all-over-again/

United States Disappeared Tracker https://public.tableau.com/app/profile/danielleharlow/viz/UnitedStatesDisappearedTracker/Map

Amid State Abductions, Trump’s Fascism Is No Longer Creeping — It’s Here https://truthout.org/articles/amid-state-abductions-trumps-fascism-is-no-longer-creeping-its-here/

PATRICK LAWRENCE: American Freefall https://consortiumnews.com/2025/04/02/patrick-lawrence-american-freefall/

American Immigration Council Suing Trump Administration Over Unprecedented Requirement That Immigrants Register with the Government https://www.americanimmigrationcouncil.org/news/council-suing-trump-administration-over-immigrant-registration-requirement

There Are Signs of a Category 5 Housing Crisis Forming and Coming Straight For Us https://www.racket.news/p/there-are-signs-of-a-category-5-housing

A Shiny Assault On Clean Water https://www.thebrockovichreport.com/p/a-shiny-assault-on-clean-water

Roger Waters: We will not move one solitary inch towards your Armageddon... https://rogerwaters.substack.com/p/we-will-not-move-one-solitary-inch

Climate crisis on track to destroy capitalism, warns top insurer https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2025/apr/03/climate-crisis-on-track-to-destroy-capitalism-warns-allianz-insurer

The Final Hours of Jessie Hoffman, Murdered by the State of Louisiana https://www.counterpunch.org/2025/03/21/the-final-hours-of-jessie-hoffman-murdered-by-the-state-of-louisiana/

Backlash to Transgender Health Care Isn’t New − but the Faulty Science Used to Justify It Has Changed to Meet the Times https://scheerpost.com/2025/03/31/backlash-to-transgender-health-care-isnt-new-%e2%88%92-but-the-faulty-science-used-to-justify-it-has-changed-to-meet-the-times/

Restoring Lies and Insanity to American History https://chrishedges.substack.com/p/restoring-lies-and-insanity-to-american

Woman's Brain Implant Turns Her Thoughts Into Speech in Real Time https://www.sciencealert.com/womans-brain-implant-turns-her-thoughts-into-speech-in-real-time